Mid-life is a time we begin to recognize our parents' mortality.  As they pass on, so do their stories.  I've often thought it a shame that I've lost so much of my own family's story.  My Dad's cousin who lived an intellectual's life in New York City with the likes of Truman Capote, my great-grandfather whom I barely knew...I'll never get to ask them questions about their lives.

That's why the idea of creating family history videos is so appealing.  Having an A & E kind of documentary about either of those family members would be so meaningful to me.

Mike O'Krent does just that.  In this interview, he tells us about family history videos and gives us some tips for doing it ourselves.

What are family history videos?

It’s a way to connect generations of families together. I find there is something so special and so unique about one’s stories.  The best way to really know a person is to ask them about stories of their lives.  From my experience interviewing Holocaust survivors, stories make it come alive.

When I got into it, it was a way to start a business doing something that I love.  But, it’s turned into something that’s so incredibly personal.  Personal, certainly for them and for their families.  

Imagine if you can, not knowing your great grandfather.  Imagine going to a computer or TV screen and popping in a DVD, then sitting for four hours and just listening and watching that person.  Not just reading in an autobiography or a book, but hearing, seeing and feeling their emotions as they tell about their entire life.

That’s it.

Why a video story so much more powerful than a book or other written medium?

There are two things.  First, it’s a matter of stories versus facts.  You can go to a history book and learn all kinds of facts about Abraham Lincoln.  When he was born, where he was born, where he grew up, how he grew up, he was in a log cabin, he ran for congress, you know all of those facts.  But how special and how different would it be if you really heard the stories. Even if its not from Abraham Lincoln, even if its from his kids.

But the stories behind that…yeah everybody knows that my dad lived in a log cabin, but it’s the stories of living in the log cabin that brings it to life.  It’s far richer.

That’s why I think the bible is written in story form.  You really feel the story if its told in that form other than facts.  Facts are for the rational mind.  Stories pull on the emotions.

There has been a progression…from oral histories passed down from generation to generation.  The person isn’t there but you are hearing his or her history told.  Then there was the written word where you can see the words.  Then there were photographs where you could actually see the person you were talking about.  

The more senses you involve all at once, the more you can really feel.

I believe the video is the best medium to accomplish that.  It involves so many more senses; it allows you to really get to know the person. 

What makes this work so compelling for you?

It’s really two-fold.  One reason is selfish..  It’s how I feel after I’m done. There are many stages, but it’s what happens when I finish with the interview itself, and the camera is off and they’ve answered that final question, which is “What comments would you leave for future generations?”

When they’ve answered that, I see a sigh of relief on their part.  Not because the interview is over but because their entire life has been captured for future generations.  When I see that, it jazzes me, it just lights me up.

The other reason is for them, and for their kids.  The children are who typically hires me. I hear from them things like, “Wow, I’ve never heard that story before. I feel so much more connected with Dad.”

I was in Houston recently at an 89th birthday party.  We took the video and by the time that thing was over, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house because they really had come to know this man who was sitting there at a level they hadn’t before.

Part of his story, which he told more eloquently than anyone I’ve ever heard before was talk about the death of his wife.  There really wasn’t a dry eye in the house.  That’s what was revealed to his kids that they hadn’t known before.  

Playing a small part in making those kinds of special connections between generations of families just jazzes me up!

It’s a shame we don’t know our family members better.  Why do you think we don’t share those stories just as a matter of course?

For two reasons.  Number one is we don’t ask.  Why didn’t your Dad ever tell you that story?  You probably never asked him that question.  That could be part of it.
 
Now, sometimes you ask and they don’t tell.  The people I interview average 80 years old.  Tom Brokaw wrote the “Greatest Generation” about the people of that era.  They’re humble, they’re so humble.

One 92 year old man I interviewed told me during the pre interview, “I don’t know why my son wants to interview me..I’m nothing special.  I’m just an old country boy from Texas.”  

Well this old country boy from Texas was at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941.  The same country boy from Texas was at Iwo Jima and fought in that battle.  But he doesn’t think he’s anything special.

Another thing is, it’s much easier for people to talk to a stranger about personal and emotional things…especially males.  A lot of that is our American society.  Again, stereotypically with males, society sends the message, “Don’t cry, don’t show emotion.”  Shame on society, not because it so important to say ‘this is the bad stuff that happened in my life’, but because it is important for answering the question:  How did you survive that, how did you handle that?  

There’s so much to learn about our loved ones from the stories of our past.