You will learn something about yourself in this article, I guarantee it.

It reveals how our thinking may sabotage our ability to create wealth.  It is a sad fact that the further up the income brackets you go, the further women fall behind men.  Why is that??  Lois Frankel PhD believes part of the reason is the differences between how men and women learn to think about money.  After all, our money thinking determines our money behavior, choices, and outcomes.

Wealth: abundance of valuable material possessions or resources.” - Merriam-Webster Dictionary

While women can be very successful in creating abundance in other parts of our lives, most of us still have a long way to go when it comes to creating that particular abundance called wealth. Some of the reasons for this are external ones and thus harder for us to control.  For example, although the wage-earning gulf between men and women has narrowed within the past 30 years, women still don’t earn as much as men.  We lose earning traction when we move in and out of the workforce to have children and to take care of parents.  

While these external factors undeniably get in the way of women creating wealth, other significant barriers are internal, based on our self-perception.  Lois Frankel, PhD and author of Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich: 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Money, points out some of the unconscious psychological barriers that prevent women from becoming wealthy.  After all, our money behavior is the outward sign of how we think about it, and about ourselves.  

Frankel believes there are three main reasons we aren’t creating wealth as we could be: “(1) we don't envision ourselves getting rich, (2) we are more concerned with playing our social roles in a way that others consider appropriate, and (3) we don't develop the skills needed to make wise financial decisions.”

With this knowledge in mind, there are three things you can do to start breaking down barriers and start becoming rich.

Think rich!

If you’re not thinking rich, then you’re not engaging in behaviors that contribute to getting rich.  Ever heard of the law of attraction?  It states, “Whatever we think about, we bring about.”  Which is why another maxim, “The rich get richer, while the poor get poorer” also rings true.  The rich are focused on where to put their money to generate more wealth, while those of us who are not rich are often focused on our lack of money, instead of how to create wealth with what we have.  Borrow a page from men in your thinking (who are, as a whole, a wealthier group than women): men tend be more bold with their money and choose to invest it, whereas women tend to think they don’t know enough about investing wisely, so they save money instead.   Instead of looking at your money as something either to spend or to save, look at it as something to invest. This one change in attitude about money can help you overcome years of conditioning!

 “Doing good” and “Doing well” are not mutually exclusive

How are women conditioned? We are conditioned at an early age to think of money in terms of relationships.  We’re taught to do good rather than well. We’re encouraged to enter service professions such as nursing and teaching. The choices have broadened over the years, but we’re still encouraged to choose a profession where we can do good, not where we can grow rich.  Men, on the other hand, are conditioned in behaviors that help them to obtain positions that create individual wealth.

This conditioning spills over into other parts of our lives. For example, when a man loans out money to a family member or friend, he is more likely to set stipulations to get it back. When a woman loans out money, she is typically more concerned about helping out the family member or friend, and will not be as assertive about getting that money back.  

Frankel points out, “You can do good and do well simultaneously. It's called living your values.”

Take managing your money into your own hands

Too often, we think that others know more about investing than they do.  This is where focusing on saving rather than investing comes back to haunt us: we assume that men know more about investing because while we are saving money, their investments are appreciating.  How to break out of this vicious cycle? Knowledge is power. Shop around for a financial advisor – male or female, whatever works - who can explain things to you in ways you can understand, who doesn’t make you feel too dependent on their advice, and who engenders in you a feeling of trust.

One final piece of advice:  get accustomed to thinking of yourself as having the responsibility of building your own financial security, whether you are married or not.  While things have changed and continue to change, it remains true that men, more so than women, are brought up to focus more on their career and to take ownership for building financial security.


Pulling it all together

Do any of the following differences apply to you?

If you related to any of those differences, the good news is: you’re not alone.   The better news is that with some very conscious adjustments in the way you think about spending, saving, and investing money, you could be on your way to creating more wealth for yourself.  

Any change in an attitude or belief begins with paying more attention to how they play out in your choices and behaviors.  The assessments included in Dr. Frankel’s books are a great place to begin that process.  Your responses may reveal the areas of your financial affairs needing most attention.  You will make more progress by focusing on changing one or two small things, building some success, then tackling the next area.  

Remember, awareness is half the battle.  For example, if you find yourself saying, “Well, it’s only a few hundred dollars a year,” stop and think of alternate uses for that $200.  Maybe you could add that to your 401K.  Perhaps you could use it to pay down school loans.  Or, reduce the balance on your credit card.  Noticing what you consistently say and do allows you to create more, and better, choices for yourself.   

Ultimately, a change in thinking will lead to a change in action and how you handle your money!

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