It’s easy to point a finger at all the things we aren’t or don’t have as the source of a midlife crisis.  We think we have to HAVE something (a better job) before we can BE something else (be happy/more satisfied).  But, what if we have it exactly backwards?

Toni LaMotta, a life coach specializing in midlife reinvention, proposes that instead of HAVING something in order to BE something, we should start by BEING what we want in order to HAVE what we want.  What she has to say is quite intriguing...

Some of the most famous words in all of literature are Shakespeare's words, TO BE OR NOT TO BE -- -- and one of the most important questions we can ever ask ourselves as women in midlife is WHO ARE WE BEING?

We are told in the Old Testament that when Moses asked God to reveal Himself - God simply said, ‘I AM.’

So -WHO ARE YOU?

Many people base the answer to that question, their very identity, on what they do. Usually it's one of the first questions someone asks you when first meeting.  Life is not really about what you do - it's about who you have DECIDED to BE.

There are two things important in that sentence - one is the DECISION or the CHOICE and the other is the BEINGNESS - or the consciousness that must exist in order for anything to take place in the DOING part of life - or in the earthly realm.

Darel Rutherford, who wrote the book WHY AREN"T YOU RICH - is one of the best teachers I know on this topic and was my mentor and coach on this for some time.  His message is clear: “Becoming anything is not about what you do.  It's about who you've chosen to be.  Two people can do exactly the same thing and get two entirely different results.  You see, it's more in your attitude--more in who you are being as you're doing it, than it is the doing that produces the result."

An Inside Job

As we'll begin to see, if we haven't already - all of Life is an INSIDE JOB - it happens first in consciousness - and consciousness is about who we are BEING - and our being comes from the CHOICES we have made in our life....conscious and especially unconscious!!

Most self-help books work on the theory that DO - HAVE - BE is the creative process, and the majority of people who read those books are led astray with the dream of being who they want to be once they have what they want.  It's the "I'll be happy when...” syndrome.  When I get the right job.  When I'm in the perfect relationship.  When I have more money.  Or, the reason I'm not SUCCESSFUL is that I never had - or don't have enough - education, talent, money - fill in whatever your excuse .is!

In order to have the job or the money or the relationship, you first have to BE the person who can have it!!  If there is an area of your life that you want to reinvent during midlife, the key is to remove the fear of not being who you would need to be in order to express that part of yourself.

Fear or Love

Unfortunately, many of our choices in life are based on FEAR rather than Love - they're based on the results we've gotten in the past that didn't quite measure up to our expectations - or they're based on our looking toward the future and wondering about HOW we'll ever get there.  HOW is NOT a question we ever need to ask in life.  The question is WHO are you willing to be?

Want more Money?

Those of you who want more money?  Are you being the ONE WHO HAS?  Or do you make all your life decisions based on NOT HAVING enough??  Who are you BEING around money?  Are you a generous giver NOW?  A lot of people, for example, tell me that they'll be happy to tithe when they HAVE more money.  Notice that word again.  By giving, what you actually do is BECOME the person who HAS.  And the more generous you feel, the more prosperous you become.  It always works that way. You cannot wait until you HAVE to BE!

If you want a new job, BE the person you want to be on your new job RIGHT NOW. How would you act?  What quality of work would you be doing?  How would you be feeling if you already had what you think you don't?
You've all heard the expression - ACT as IF - well, here's the perfect application.  Do the actions of the person who IS and HAS whatever it is you want.  If you want more friends in life, start being a FRIEND to everyone you meet.  If you want more LOVE, give more Love than you ever thought possible.  If you want more time, become a volunteer!!

Out of the Box

All of us live in a box. It's a box of what we believe is possible for us. We go through life, evolving from one box into another, usually from a smaller, to a larger box. These were transformations.  We've been being transformed all our lives.  And, with each transformation, we just build larger box to play in. Then, each time we build a new box, we get stuck in that box. With each new box, we find new problems, or a different version of the same old problem.  And guess what!  The solution to the problem is ALWAYS OUTSIDE THE BOX.

Your life cannot change for the better unless you first choose out of the box. As long as you see your life from the perspective of your ego, (the keeper of your box) you will remain stuck in the box.  Only as spirit can you see outside the box to make a new choice about who you will be.  Only outside of the box, will you find what you really want from life, discover who you really are.

Self-discovery is your purpose in life but especially in midlife. You will only find yourself each time you find the courage to step outside the box to create a bigger box. You can't build a bigger box without growing in consciousness.  YOUR BOX IS NOTHING MORE, OR LESS, THAN YOUR SELF-CONCEPT, BEING PRESENTED AS YOUR REALITY BY YOUR EGO.  Aren't you tired of the box you're in?  Isn't it time you chose a bigger one?  This time, build a more spacious box.

If you had the power to answer your own prayers, you would have everything you ever wanted from life.  Right?  Well, you DO have that power.

The undiscovered truth of your being is that God is within you and I, and our purpose in The Game of Life is that we make that discovery.  God gave each of us the power to answer our own prayers and then left us alone to discover that power for ourselves.  Most of us still search for that power.

Our power lies in the ability to choose who we will be.  We set that power in motion every time we say or think "I AM".  Our life is a cosmic joke because, what we search for, we search with.  It's like looking for your glasses when you have them on. Look at the results.  What you see is WHO YOU ARE.   And, the way to become more is always a CHOICE of who you are BEING.

What choices are we making?  Who are we being?  I invite your reflection.

Dr. Toni is a midlife reinvention specialist whose spiritual teachings support those who are reinventing themselves from the inside-out. Her mission is to change the way the world views Midlife. Dr. Toni is an international keynote speaker and best-selling author as well as a spiritual life coach.  You can receive her free '7 Secrets To Reinvent Midlife' by signing up for her Reinvent Midlife newsletter:  http://www.reinventmidlife.com.