Midlife reinvention is the thing most on our minds according to what I hear from women in their midyears.  Taking a midlife leap into something new and unknown means sometimes things will go according to plan and sometimes not.

Our member, Grace N, has asked:  What do I do when my reinvention isn’t going well?

Our expert, Lin Scheib, is a life coach who helps her clients deal with this issue.  And, we’ve asked some wise WomenBloom members to weigh in as well.  We have some great food for thought.
 

Midlife reinvention is the biggest topic on your mind, according to our survey, so could it be a coincidence that this was the first question we got?  Our featured expert is Lin Scheib (www.lightninglifecoaching.com).  Lin is a life coach who works with her clients to help them put the ‘LIFE’ back in their life.  We asked her for her thoughts on this since she runs into this frequently with her clients. 

Question from Grace N.:

There is a lot of talk these days about ‘creating the life you want’ and ‘putting it out to the universe’.  I committed to some actions wholeheartedly to make some big changes that for a while seemed strongly ‘supported’ by the universe, but now it feels like I’m getting push back.  That sense of ‘flow’ seems to be gone.  I’m not sure how to interpret that...I try to pay attention to when things are challenging but in ‘flow’, and when they are just ‘hard’.  I also believe the universe supports those things that are in my highest good, not necessarily what I want or at least what I THINK I want.

Any thoughts on how I should I think about this?

This is such an interesting question, and one that much has been written about.  One thing that might be getting in the way is our "shadow beliefs."  Coach and author, Debbie Ford who wrote Dark Side Of The Light Chasers describes a "Shadow Belief" as an unconscious belief that influences our entire lives, tells us what we can and can not do, and drives our behaviors.  Shadow beliefs are what hold us back in life—and we may not even have known they were doing it!  One shadow belief might be fear of being too much.  Marianne Williamson said in her book Return to Love that 'It's not our darkness we are afraid of, it is really our light.' So, we overtly put intentions out to the universe with an inside belief that we don't deserve the very best.  The universe doesn't know which way to turn, because it is getting mixed signals from us.

Another interesting point on this subject is the notion of detachment.  When we put an intention out to the universe, we are more likely to get the results we want when we detach ourselves from the results.  Sounds counter-intuitive.  But, attachment is based on fear and insecurity.  So, give attention to your intention and desire, but give up your attachment to the result.  Then, step into the unknown, which is the field of all possibilities, and remain open to the infinity of choices that await you.

Lin Scheib, CPCC, ACC
Lightning Life, LLC
http://www.lightninglifecoaching.com/

We also thought it would be interesting to hear what some of our members had to say about this:

Kathleen L.

I think that’s one of the most difficult questions there is and that a lot could be said about it.  In the abundance/prosperity model, it’s easy to get blinded to the fact that life isn’t always easy, things don’t always happen the way we want.  Some of the most outstanding or successful lives contain tales of depression, loss, failure and bad times.  I think I would say: be careful of not falling into the trap thinking that the universe will always make things easy.

I deal with these things by making sure I have touchstones in my life.  For me, that’s meditating, prayer, and yoga.  Having ‘practices’, meaning activities you do regularly, is so important.  These practices are my tried and trustworthy process for getting answers or insights into life questions or issues.  I’ve learned that when I don’t know what to do, I just need to be patient because time will give the answer.  My practices are what help me hear the answer or insight when it comes.

When something is hard and you know what effort it will take to get through it, it’s much easier than when you don’t know what effort you need to be putting out.  When I don’t know what the right effort is, I give serious thought to the question that most needs to be answered, the right question to be asking. Then, I ask for help answering that question.  I continue with my practices and the answer always comes.

Anita T.

I think that when you’re engaged in a challenge that has required some changes in who you’re being, eventually you come to a place that seems difficult because you are facing those shifts in thought and action.  The more you “exercise” these new muscles, the easier it becomes, the more integrated you are.  Like all practices you strive to reach higher goals and achieve greater clarity. Part of the lesson is being patient with the ups and downs of the process.

It’s up to you to decide whether that next effort is worth it, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not serving your highest good or that the universe doesn’t support you.  Maybe your highest good IS for it to be hard.  But it’s up to you to consider your situation and decide whether you can or want to make that next effort.  That’s the tricky part.

Patti D.

Challenges, difficulties, pushback -- they are all part of life. In looking back at the ones I've had in my life (and I've had quite a few), I'd say they can be our greatest teachers and part of what God or The Universe wants for us. Maybe they are teaching us what we don't want. Or maybe they are testing us to see how bad we want something. Or perhaps they are testing our sense of resourcefulness or innovation on how to solve the issue.  We often can't see this until we are through the challenging times (provided we do move through them) and we gain some distance and perspective.
 
One of my very favorite quotes is:  "Every experience God gives us, every person He puts into our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see." -- Corrie ten Boom
 
Also, "putting it out to the Universe" doesn't mean you toss it out there and sit back and wait for things to happen. You still have to put the effort in, be alert and aware of opportunities (and be wary of pitfalls), and do your part.
 
On the other hand, I often feel that when things are just difficult or not occurring smoothly or the way I want them to happen, it's either time to step back, reflect and maybe try something else. Or let it go for a bit and see if it returns. If not, it's time to move on.
 

What experiences with this have you had?  What would you tell Grace?

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