Hello there. I was doing some web searching and this seemed like a good place to come to do a little venting and maybe get some advice :) I'm 38 and seem to be having a premature mid-life crisis. I just feel very much unfulfilled in both my personal and professional life. That's disheartening at this stage in life. I always thought that by 38 I would have everything together, yet in many ways I'm still searching.

I guess this was precipitated by a recent breakup. Its not that I'm terribly heartbroken, since we only dated for 2 months, not nearly enough time to fall in love. Its just the manner in which it happened that dealt a blow to my self esteem, and really made me look inward.

It happened last week. We met at a café and after finishing dinner he decided to break the news. In my old age I've lost my patience with insensitive men and I was just so annoyed by his business-like demeanor and the whole premeditated, choreographed way he planned things. For instance, he had me meet him there rather than going there together, obviously so we would go our separate ways afterwords. The moment got the best of me and my frustration took over. I sarcastically thanked him for the dinner, got up and calmly walked over to his side of the table and then WHAP! I slapped him across the face and stormed out of the café.

The resounding whack caught everyone's attention and undoubtedly caused him much embarrassment. I feel badly because I know it must have stung and left a red mark. I hope I'm not becoming psychotic. I didn't think I was capable of such behavior. I should swallow my pride and call him to apologize but it's just so difficult to do.

In retrospect, maybe I was more frustrated with myself than with him. The fact that I'm still unattached at 38 and just got dumped in public by someone five years my junior is not very inspiring. I really do feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life, but I'm not quite sure what to do about it.

Veronica

Veronica,

I don't think searching and seeking is limited to 'midlife' as such. I personally think it's a life long process although midlife does tend to present with common issues. I hope that helps you feel like you're not by yourself at 3 in your feeling of being at a crossroads. 8

I think you're right to be looking at yourself rather than at this guy. I've learned that when I have a strong emotional reaction to something someone says or does, it's often because it triggers something in me that I need to look at.

Honestly,without knowing exactly what the guy said, it doesn't seem so bad. Maybe not the most sensitive way to handle things, but boy have I heard a lot worse.

Personally, I would make myself call the guy and apologize. Obviously from your remorse, that isn't the person you want yourself to be. And whether he is willing to hear your apology (that had to be pretty humiliating for him) or not, that way you will be living into the person you seem to want to be. That's the most important thing.

Then, I would start going to some workshops, working with a coach or maybe going to counseling for some help in getting a handle on what is feeling so out of whack for you. Sometimes it isn't that easy to figure out on your own. I know that if you actively did something like this, you would come to see where you could make some changes that would make the most difference to you.

Good luck on that, you're brave to take this incident as a sign to start doing some self-reflection and seeking!

I think the "five years" your junior is probably the key. Men are always at a lower maturity level than women...so, if he was 32, then really, emotionally, he was probably 29--do you really want to be dating a 29 year old?

Heck, you are at such a prime part of your life, you need to be thoroughly enjoying yourself and not taking up time with someone who hasn't even lived yet!

It is amazing what men will bring us to, but slapping someone in public(or private) is hardly a grown-up response...honetly, if his behavior was that obsurd to drive you to slapping him, then good riddence!!!!

You go girl! Live your life! Have you heard that song Kellie Pickler sings, Don't You Know You're Beautiful??? Go listen to it!!!!

You may really be angry at men and probably rightfully so and not having found someone yet. Relationships are difficult and finding one that works is still a lifetime of continuing to work on it. I am 56 and have been married for the second time this time for 22 years. The first ten years was Hell and I'm amazed I survived. We stuck it out, mainly for the kids, and eventually we became best friends and fell in love again. There was a lot of forgiving and letting on on my part, but I'm glad now we stuck it out. If I was young again and single, I would probably try one of the online dating things. That way I could narrow down men whom I would want to date.

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Well, I guess things like this happens throughout anyone’s life time, it is definitely not because that you are 38 years old or anything like that. I believe that different people have different ways of handling things. In fact, I believe that what you should do is to be more patient and think twice before doing something, don’t be so impulsive, and another thing is that, look things from a different view, there might be a reason, behind his intention of breaking up, or maybe he doesn’t see the future he wants with you, there are just so many other reasons, and I believe that you don’t want to stick with the wrong guy with the rest of your life right?
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Post edited by: smartpoleuser, at: 2011/04/21 12:59